


Movie Mocking--Naboo Rouge (A Phantom Menace/Moulin Rouge crossover)

by FrenchRoast



Category: Moulin Rouge! (2001), Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 01:14:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1761547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchRoast/pseuds/FrenchRoast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Intro to The Phantom Menace as directed by Baz Luhrman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Movie Mocking--Naboo Rouge (A Phantom Menace/Moulin Rouge crossover)

Our scene opens, with much fanfare, on the city planet of Coruscant, Home of all that’s really freaking cool that isn’t elsewhere. As the shot unfolds, we move in closer and closer, past the bums and aliens hawking death sticks and spices from Kessle; eventually, this shot will end on Obi-Wan curled up in the fetal position in a dark corner of the Jedi Academy.  
  
Yoda: *sings* A boy there was, strange and enchanted. Wandered very far he did, hmm, yes, over land and over sea. And then, one magic day, my way he passed. Spoke of many things he did, fools and games. To me, he this said…  
  
Obi-Wan: *encoding something in a computer* The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to use the Force, and let the Force use you in return. My story begins in Coruscant, but then quickly moves to Naboo…  
  
(here, we get a shot of the world of Naboo)  
  
Obi-Wan: Naboo...a planet at war...full of robots and Sith warriors...ruled over by Queen Amidala. A kingdom of Trade Federation pleasures, where the rich and powerful came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of Republic. The most beautiful of all these was the warrior I loved...Qui-Gon. A Jedi, he used the Force...they called him Master Qui-Gon, and he was the star...of Naboo.  
  
(Obi-Wan sits back for second)  
  
Obi-Wan: The warrior I loved...is...dead. I first came to Coruscant one month ago...I knew nothing of Naboo, Queen Amidala, or Qui-Gon...okay, actually I did, but I didn’t know there was going to be a war. The world had been swept up in a diplomacy revolution, and I had traveled to Coruscant to be a part of it.  
  
(moving on...)  
  
Obi-Wan: Yes, I had come to live a penniless existence. I had come to facilitate negociations using Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and that which I believed in above all things: The Force.  
  
Obi-Wan's Dad: Always this RIDICULOUS obsession with the FORCE!  
  
Obi-Wan: There was just one problem. I'd never used the Force! Luckily, right at that moment, an unconscious black man fell through my roof.  
  
Mace Windu: *asleep*  
  
Obi-Wan: He was quickly joined by a dwarf, who looked rather green.  
  
Yoda: Yoda, my name is. Sorry about this, am I. Fighting with lightsabers, we were.  
  
Obi-Wan: Lightsabers! Something very modern, used by Jedi. Unfortunately, the unconscious black man suffered from a sickness called Narcolepsy.  
  
Yoda: Perfectly fine one moment, unconscious the next.  
  
Faramir: Great, now our Jedi won't be prepared enough to carry out negociations on Naboo.  
  
Yoda: Someone else to go over there, find we must.  
  
Faramir: How on earth are we going to find someone as badass and cool as Mace Windu?  
  
Obi-Wan: Before I knew it, there I was, standing in for the unconscious black man!  
  
(moving on)  
  
Obi-Wan: There seemed to be artistic differences about which style of lightsaber dueling worked with negociations on Naboo...  
  
Yoda: Clear your mind, you must.  
  
Mace Windu: *waking briefly* Think of your lightsaber as a really big, long *falls asleep again*  
  
Obi-Wan: I then proceeded to invent an entirely new lightsaber style which only people with sexy accents could ever think about mastering. Faramir wasn't pleased.  
  
Faramir: Screw you all! I'm going to find another trilogy where I can be on the sidelines and get a woman! *walks off the set*  
  
Yoda: With Obi-Wan, the Jedi negociations of our dreams accomplish we can. A plan, have I, yes. Qui-Gon.  
  
Obi-Wan: They would dress me in Mace Windu's best earth tone robes, and pass me off as a famous Jedi master. Once Qui-Gon saw my modern lightsaber skills, he would be astounded, and insist to Queen Amidala that I do the negociations on Naboo. The only problem was I kept hearing my father's voice in my head.  
  
Obi-Wan's Dad: You'll end up wasting your life playing with lightsabers on Naboo!  
  
Obi-Wan: I can't do the negociations on Naboo!  
  
Jedi Masters: What?  
  
Obi-Wan: I don't even know if I am a true Jedi diplomat!  
  
Mace Windu: *has awakened* Do you believe in Beauty?  
  
Obi-Wan: Yes.  
  
Yoda: Truth?  
  
Obi-Wan: Yes, of course.  
  
Mace Windu: Freedom?  
  
Obi-Wan: Yes.  
  
Yoda: The Force?  
  
Obi-Wan: The Force? The Force, above all things I believe in the Force. The Force is like oxygen. The Force surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together! All you need is the Force!

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is incomplete, but hopefully I will be able to add the next parts soon!


End file.
